What is ‘his’ is ‘mine’ and what can HAPPEN to him might happen to me
Arvind Singh :: Written in 2003
On my last trip to India 2-3 years
back, I had met RP Singh …
RP Singh considers himself a
‘sadhaka’, a partial ‘siddha’
and realized to 5th degree,
established in 4th and makes
frequent visits to 5th.
( He thinks, realization has 7 levels )
I met RP Singh just as a friend.
But, in one meeting he claimed that he
did SHAKTIPAT on me has opened my first
He also claimed that he has
‘spiritually’ ‘transferred’ “all of
him” INTO “me”. Now, what is ‘his’ is
‘mine’ and what can HAPPEN to him might
happen to me …
He further claimed that end of 2003,
beginning of 2004, …he is going to
take a BIG LEAP into Full Realization !
That time, I didn’t feel anything on
this ‘Chakra opening’ and SHAKTIPAT and
thus, I seriously doubted it.
But, then later that night I went to
the bed and in the wee hour of morning
in half-awake state I felt a strange
sensation in my anus which I had never
felt before and have never felt
afterwards. I felt very relaxed all day
that day. I felt lot of energy
converging into my finger tips that I
had to dissipate by rubbing my hand on
my body frequently.
After I returned from India to USA
some people made comment that my eyes
look different. These people were my co-
workers and had no interest or
knowledge of kundalini, chakras etc. I
never noticed an difference in my eyes.
But I kind of believed that my first
chakra has really opened . I didn’t
know what it meant in my day to day
In November 2003, suddenly I fell
sick. I don’t know if it was cold or
something else. I had this incredible
ache that sometimes would feel in one
part of the body and the after some
time in another. I felt completely
clueless and I though there is nothing
that I could do about it. I thought, Ok
I have no clue and I don’t know what
the hell is going on. Whatever is
happening will happen and probably will
get better in 7-9 days like any cold. I
was not bothered anymore.
I have no good ( if ANY ) recollection
of the night or the morning but I
think that perhaps I slept through the
night and woke up sometime in the
morning perhaps around 7.30 – 8.00 AM
but I still kept lying on the bed.
Then sometime around 10.00 AM – 10.30
AM I realized that I have no thoughts.
My mind is completely empty. I didn’t
know, what it meant. I walked out and
felt like not having any body at all.
My body felt completely no there,
completely weightless. My head felt
like an absolute vacuum.
I felt as if …I HAD Died !
I talked to my doctor …
I talked to many people that I know
I also did lot of Internet search in
‘medical’ as well as in the ‘spiritual’
domain. I can’t say that I found the
Final or ‘satisfactory’ answer.
I also tried to study the effect of
alcohol, drugs, tranquilizers,
anesthetics, sedatives and maybe, there
is something similar …
If you ever had any surgery and
doctors applied any local anesthetics
to some part of the body, perhaps, you
might understand it.
As you gain ‘consciousness’, somehow
the part that is anaesthetized ‘seems’
You can’t feel it …
It seems to be totally NOT there …
Then, you check in the mirror and it
is very much there. Unchanged, complete
This is kind of ‘how’ my whole body
felt ( and ‘usually’ still does) feel
to me …Absent, …Not There !
felt (and ‘usually’ still do feel )
‘Bodiless’ … Literally !
( … that’s ‘how’ and why I felt like
someone who IS …but, isn’t … )
I contacted Mr. RP Singh again and
described him my condition. He
suggested that probably my ‘anahat’
chakra has opened. I didn’t know which
chakra is called Anahat and I certainly
hadn’t done any kundalini meditation
for a while and I hadn’t felt any
chakra opening or any related sensation.
I tried feeling chakras again all I
could feel was something like unbound
field of energy that seemed to have no
center and I could not say what of it
was outside and what was inside.
I could not even say where was “I” in
that field and if NOT, …”who is that”
“who” feels or KNOWS it. Where is it?
Who is it?
But, now, I felt NO energy centers or chakra.
I left my chakra enquiry there for a
===== from diary (Dec 16, 2003) =====
Then yesterday I read chakra
description again and tried to feel
them but moving the energy upward and a
strange thing happened. The center in
or near my heart started feeling
continuously active, alive and hot. It
sounds and feels very absurd I never
believed in its specific description
but I felt that it has many parts much
like the petal s of lotus described in
the ancient texts and exist as a real
physical entity within or inside the
heart. I felt as if someone can open my
heart and see it as a real physical
entity. It sounds totally absurd and
irrational to me I am very perplexed. I
could also feel the other 3 centers,
points above heart but currently they
are not always active. I can just feel
their existence, energy and heat
whenever I channel the energy through
them. However, traversing the energy
through them has become very easy and
almost effortless. My heart still feels
warm, active and continuously radiating
energy but I hardly feel the centers
below heart anymore. Thy seem to be
totally still, done, complete or
dormant (I don’t know to what to call
My strange experience didn’t end here
however. For past one week I had been
feeling very disintegrated and was
unable to put me (awareness, conscious)
and my physical body together.
Everything seemed like just a dream and
I continuously felt as if I am out of
the body. Many times, I had to touch
myself and look into the mirror assure
myself of my physical existence. I
always feared that I would simply move
out of the body and my physical body
will end. Today, I read that this is
supposed to be ‘astral projection’ and
it doesn’t mean physical death it is
simply a dream like state while fully
awake. Only difference is that I was
not trying it. It was happening on its
own and it was happening all the time.
Anyway, that is not what I was talking
For the past week I was always pulling
myself back from the conscious state as
I was afraid that going further might
mean my physical death. Yesterday I let
go of that fear and let consciousness
/energy take its course without any
restrictions. I automatically went into
a highly conscious, highly but
immensely focused state. I felt as if
my jaws are expanding, my ears are
coming out and as if the area just
above my nose is breaking. I felt as if
I am going to have hole there much like
mythical third eye of Shiva. I felt as
if my glass-frame will break due to
expansion. I didn’t blink for a long,
long time. Strangely and absurdly I
again felt if there is real physical
entity with two petals one each on the
either side and the gap between them is
expanding each moment. It stopped when
I blinked and then started again. It
continued for about half an hour to
forty minutes. I went home and checked
myself in the mirror. For sure, there
was no hole. My eyes were red perhaps
due to intense physical pressure.
===== (continued from diary …) =====
Encouraged by this experience with
heart chakra, I tried to push my energy
further but so far I have had no
significant feeling of the chakra at
the skull. I could feel this dense
spherical image of my parts but beyond
that nothing. Even this image might be
actually the image of the brain itself.
Last night while I was awake as well as
while sleeping I had some dreams or
visions (some people call dreams in
awake state as vision) of snake with
thousand heads much like one shown
with Vishnu in the ancient Hindu text.
I also had vision of Shiva with snake,
third eye, river flowing out of his
seventh chakra. It is possible that all
that was because I have had read about
Kundalini and chakra yesterday and my
mind was just playing them out. That is
the only logical explanation I could
Strangely, when I woke up today
morning I felt renewed sense of ego and
self. My ego and self which was slowly
dissolving for past 1 month felt
stronger for the first time. Perhaps
feeling or trying to feel chakra inside
my body had brought me closer to my
physical entity. I felt more integrated
and I felt that I could easily function
as one. I still felt conscious, aware,
still and peaceful but I no longer felt
the danger of physical death or
insanity. I felt integrated with the
body again. I continue to feel that
way. I tried to describe my state today
and it felt much harder today. Thought
and observation were not coming
naturally and effortlessly and I felt
as if I am forcibly repeating my self.
As if I am just forcing myself to
describe something that I can’t describe.
I don’t know what my experience of
yesterday meant. I don’t think I have
gained any special powers or grown
physically. I just have this continuous
warm feeling inside my heart now. Other
centers I hardly feel anymore. Even the
center between eyebrows is somewhat
quiet and center in the neck I hardly
felt it anytime. It just felt like a
transfer point and my energy never
stopped or stops there.
I thought most of the chakra stuff to
be total spiritual garbage and didn’t
believe them at all. Now I find very
absurd having these feelings.
Kundalini and chakras seemed absurd to
me and I didn’t believe them but
perhaps, now, I can NOT deny it.
Just like, I can’t deny the scientific
truth that ….”all matter is almost
100% empty” just because it sounds
absurd to me. Perhaps, “how something
sounds to me” ….is “Not enough
reason” to deny anything.
Pretty soon, I discovered the ‘other’
side of it …
I was conditioned ( perhaps, due to
childhood reading ) to strongly believe
in and greatly value ‘honesty’,
‘truthfulness’, ‘fairness’, ‘justice’
and ‘sincerity’. On the ‘negative’ side
of it, I had practiced and made a habit
of strongly opposing anything that I
considered …’dishonest’, ‘unfair’ or
It had almost become an ‘automatic’
built-in pattern that I used almost
every time these conditions were
present. Most of the times, I was not
even aware of it and I even ‘thought’,
I was fully ‘justified’ and RIGHT in
It had kind of become part of my
‘personality’ and I rarely realized any
cost associated to it …
But, NOW, I realized it was NOT Free Anymore …
As ‘before’, now too my wife ( and
‘other’ people too ) would do/say
things that would appear unjust, unfair
or dishonest to me ( for example, she
would blame me for things she herself
knows …is NOT true ).
But, now, each time she did that …
…my ‘body’ would feel like burning …
Kind of like I will start ‘visiting’
the ‘Night Before’ all over again …
I ‘noticed’ that when I start
‘thinking’, …especially “worrying”
My “body” start COMING BACK …
and, it comes back with pain, ache,
heat that first starts in the back near
the base of spine and then starts
spreading all over the back, shoulder,
wrists, arms …
But, NOW, …it felt really ‘painful’ !
Each time I will “let go” ( one way or
the OTHER ) the body would eventually
disappear Again …
Then, I started reading ‘Ramana’ …
…and, how he was describing that
“in Deep Sleep” there is NO Body and
in Deep Sleep, there is No Pain …”
Body is the Pain !
” Mind “takes up” different ‘bodies’ ”
” You are Neither INSIDE nor OUTSIDE
the Body ”
( Passages below might be Similar, Or not …
But, these are surely Very Interesting … )
The ego arises when you wake up from
sleep. In deep sleep you do not say
that you are sleeping and that you are
going to wake, up or that you have been
sleeping so long. But still you are
there. Only when you are awake you say
that you have slept. Your wakefulness
comprises sleep ‘also in it. Realize
your pure Being. Let there be no
confusion with the body. The body is
the result of thoughts.
…. There is no death nor birth. That
which is born is only the body. The
body is the creation of the ego. But
the ego is not ordinarily perceived
without the body. It is always
identified with the body. It is the
thought which matters. Let the sensible
man consider if he knew his body in
deep sleep. Why does he feel it in the
waking state? But, although the body
was not felt in sleep, did not the Self
exist then? How was he in deep sleep?
How is he when awake? What is the
difference? Ego rises up and that is
waking. Simultaneously thoughts arise.
Let him find out to whom are the
M: The thoughts are only vasanas
(predispositions), accumulated in
innumerable births before. Their
annihilation is the aim. The state free
from vasanas is the primal state and
eternal state of purity.
D.: It is not clear yet.
M: Everyone is aware of the eternal
Self. HE SEES SO MANY DYING BUT STILL
BELIEVES HIMSELF ETERNAL. BECAUSE IT IS
Unwillingly the natural
Truth asserts itself. The man is
deluded by the intermingling of the
conscious Self with the insentient
body. This delusion must end.
D.: How will it end?
M: That which is born must end. The
delusion is only concomitant with the
ego. It rises up and sinks. But the
Reality never rises nor sinks. It
remains Eternal. The master who has
realized says so; the disciple hears,
thinks over the words and realises the
Self. There are two ways of putting it.
The ever-present Self needs no efforts
to be realized, Realization is already
there. Illusion alone is to be removed.
Some say the word from the mouth of the
Master removes it instantaneously.
Others say that meditation, etc., are
necessary for realization. Both are
only the standpoints differ.
D.: How does a grihasta (householder)
fare in the scheme of moksha
M: Why do you think you are a
grihasta? If you go out as a sanyasi, ~
similar thought (that you are a
sanyasi) will haunt you.
Whether you continue in the household,
or renounce it and go to the forest,
your mind haunts you. The ego is the
source of thoughts. It creates the
body~ and the world and makes you think
you are a grihasta.
D.: How does dream differ from waking?
M: In dreams one takes on different
bodies, and they re-enter this body
when one dreams of sense-contacts.
M: Whatever state one is in, the
perceptions partake of that state.
The explanation is that in the waking
state (jagrat) the gross body perceives
gross names and forms; in swapna (the
dream state) the mental body perceives
the mental creations in their manifold
forms and names; in the sushupti (deep
dreamless sleep), the identification
with the body being lost, there are no
perceptions; similarly in the
Transcendental state identity with
Brahman places the man in harmony with
everything, and there is nothing apart
from his Self.
D.: Does my realization help others?
M: Yes, certainly. It is the best help
possible. But there are no others to be
helped. For a realized being sees the
Self, just like a goldsmith estimating
the gold in various jewels. When you
identify yourself with the body then
only the forms and shapes are there.
But when you transcend your body the
others disappear along with your body-