It seems like a miracle. everything has changed. I lived in the same area for long time and traveled same way for long time. I also had same body. But everything has changed. It is hard to imagine that I was ever not this person.
Every morning is incredibly beautiful. every cloud is a great work of art. every tree is alive and vibrant. every sunrise is unique. every sunset is serene. The world is so beautiful.
I look at tree and it is like meeting someone very dear, very close. It is like meeting a part of me. I look at the clouds I look at flying dove and feel immense joy. sometimes I think as if I am already dead. I am just a free spirit just floating in this beautiful universe. I am no longer a human. I am just a spirit, a conscious an energy who still has hands, legs and rest of the physical body. My body still feel weightless and head still empty. There is joy in my finger tips, my lips are vibrating and there are tears of joy in my eyes. This joy, this peace is unlike anything I ever experienced and my body feels too small to contain it.
This body seems so unreal. Sometimes it seems as if doesn’t exist. I try to look beneath my clothes to check that there is really skin, bone and rest of the
structure. But then I feel hunger thirst which gives me some indication that the body is still there and it is functioning as before. even the hunger and thirst feels somewhere in belly, maybe in the lever and no longer in the head. Head is hardly there.
Sometimes I think maybe it is just a dream. But my eyes are open. I am writing this letter. this train is moving and it is stopping at the stations that I have heard and seen before. There are other people in this train. Some are getting down and some have just arrived. But maybe I am not there. Maybe I am already dead and I am just dreaming that I have the same body. I am wearing a jacket which is two years old now. I still have a wife a daughter who has started going to school. maybe it is just part of my big dream.
My body is still. It doesn’t move unless I need to. My mind is dead and it doesn’t have its own motion anymore. I ask it to function and it starts. am I really alive ? Can you read this letter and assure me that I am still not-dead or are you too are part of my big dream?
How can something feel so alive, beautiful serene and vibrant. How can I be so so peaceful, calm and joyous. How can I mind stay in peace. I think I have really died or I have in sleeping for last one month and I don’t even no that.
I touch my fingers and they feel like the fingers belonging to someone else somebody else’s body. It feels like I have no body. I am just space, this void, this energy this life, this peace using this body.
Maybe I am not here. Maybe I am really finished. I dropped my guards, my resistance and this so called space void energy, existence, life, God has taken me over. It has made me part of it or rather immerged me into it. The barrier is gone. The I is dead. Yes I am really dead. This body is still there but it is hardly mine anymore. Maybe it was never mine. Maybe I was just trying to convince myself that this is my body, this is me this is me and this is everything else. Yes I is dead but it is so blissful, so serene. It is peace, it is still, it is alive it is joy, it is complete it is perfect. even perfect is not this perfect. Nothing can be this perfect. Yes, I know I is dead but I have no need or interest in being undead. This death is good. This death is bliss. This death is serene.
Is this death God? Who cares? Let me just enjoy it. Let me just be or rather let it just be. And good this is that it doesn’t even need my permission. It doesn’t need anybody’s permission.
I wish you experience this death too and you join me in this blissful serenity. But where is I, where are you. There is just it once you are dead. It is like a water-drop dropping in the ocean or rather the ocean dropping in the water-drop. Where is water drop after that. Where is water called ‘I’ and where is the water drop called ‘you’. How would I even identify you separately from the ocean? are you really going to be separate from the ocean then?
But until you dies this death I can still have my dream and I can have you in my dream. In this dream me and you are at a long distance. In this dream I care for you. Even this dream seems very beautiful.
Enjoy your dream as long as you can because once you die this death there is only it. I is dead.
Never drop your guards, never drop your resistance, never let your mind stop because once you do this so called existence, void might take over. All your church, your temple might start feeling alien and futile. ..and you might not even want to go back. You can but you may not want to because this death is so blissful, so peaceful so joyous and so complete.
Live you dream ( or life if that’s what you want to call it) before you allow it to take over. Once it takes over your life is over. You can continue dream if you want but only problem is that it will seem like dream whereas in the past it was your life, it was you and that was the world. But now the I is dead. Protect your I from his death. You might have sorrow, you might have miseries, you might have stress, your mind might be torturing it but at least it is your life at least it doesn’t seem like a dream to you. At least you have the illusion that you are living and in your dream you have your concrete solid identity. Once you die this death there is only it. It might feel wonderful, it might feel great. it might feel unlike anything you could experience before but it is ‘it’. It is not ‘you’, it is not ‘I’, just it. Do you really want it ? why would you want it? Don’t want to be yourself and not it even if sometime feel stress, unhappiness and always have thins burning desire to be someone else, do something else and be somewhere else and yes sometimes you certainly feel happiness too no matter how short? At least your dreams seem real, you don’t doubt them. You might choose your way now, once you take this pill of death your choices will be very limited. Your dream is over and you know it even if you continue it.